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Jokes
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- Being Polite -
During class, a 6th grade teacher trying to teach good manners asks
the students, one by one - If you were on a date, having supper with a
nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the
bathroom?
" she asked Little Richard and he replied "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you Bill, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I
really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the table."
"And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for
once and show us your good manners?" I would say: "Darling, may I please be
excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of
mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
The teacher fainted . .
- The Pastor's Salary -
This is a story about a popular young Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"The congregation sighs, and applauds. Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!" More sighs and applause. Ms. Ella May, age 70, stands and announces, "If! the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!" There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?" Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and He said .... F**k him!
How many Chosen Few does it take to wash a bike?
None! That's what prospects are for.
Why do dogs lick their balls.......
because they can't make a fist!!!
Early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and
I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!
HONEYMOON: That brief period of time between,
"I do" and "You'd better!"
Confucius say:
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better for boy.
to park meat in girl.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night.
It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?
It is well known...
Man stands up to get knocked down,
woman lays down to get knocked up.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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